Decisions, decisions

“How can I learn to make decisions?”

I’d say this makes my top five requested coaching outcomes. There’s no obvious correlation between these clients  – gender, profession, role, seniority.

This isn’t about making better decisions  – it’s about making any decision, even down to “which ice cream flavour?

So what’s really going on here?

I’ve come across two common themes – there are more and there will be variation between clients, but two things are often present – and deeply intertwined:

1. the illusion of control – that if they make the “right” decision they will be able to control the outcome, avoiding risk and staying safe and secure;
2. that if they control the outcome, they can avoid feelings that they can’t cope with: fear, uncertainty, disappointment..and more.

So how does understanding this lead to being better able to make decisions?

Three things seem to help:

• accept that the world is ultimately not controllable –  if a decision is hard, that’s because there is no “right” decision and that to move on you have to take a risk;
• understand your emotional footprint, including your emotional drivers. Practise negotiating with your emotions, rather than letting them drive you;
• practice making decisions. Start off small. Hold both your understanding that you can’t control the outcome of a nuanced decision and that your reluctance is driven by your feelings. Remember you are the boss of  your feelings.
• remember that risk ( at the heart of every difficult decision) is wholly and completely necessary for change and development.

Credit: Liane Metzler/Unsplash

https://unsplash.com/@liane?photo=v3bWNXeInQA